Starting the conversation by acknowledging the difference.
The most stressful moment of all difficult conversations is often the beginning. This is the time when we have the greatest opportunity to influence the entire direction of the conversation. The key is the extent to which we are able to build and maintain rapport and conduct an engaging conversation.
There are five main options for commencing a difficult conversation in an assertive way –
the I-statement; the third story; acknowledge the difference; naming the dynamic and asking for help.
Acknowledging the difference allows either of the two parties involved to describe the conflict as a difference between the two.
All you need to do is acknowledge that there is a difference between you and the other person – you don’t even need to be able to describe it. Then you say that one of the reasons you want to talk is that you want to learn more about their view.
“My sense is that you and I see the situation differently. I’d like to learn more about how you see things and also share how I’m seeing it.”
What if they start the conversation?
You can follow these story guidelines even when you are not the initiator of the conversation.
Jason and Jill: Jason might say: “It sounds like you are pretty unhappy with how I handle the dishes. I have trouble with how you deal with the dishes too, so I think we each have different preferences and assumptions around that. Can we talk about this?”
Action: Think of a difficult conversation you need to have with a colleague at work. Frame your difficulty and describe it by acknowledging the difference. Let them know you would like to understand more about their point of view. Then ask if you can share your point of view. Very few people will say “No”.
At AIC we specialise in helping people develop the skills they need to have those important conversations successfully; to use conflict to resolve difficulties and improve relationships in a positive and friendly way.
For further information on Conflict Resolution go to
www.appliediInnovation.com.au